HELPING OUR CHILDREN DEAL WITH WAR

Dealing with the stress of it all

In this time of heightened anxiety over impending war with Iraq, our children are experiencing fear and anxiety too. They’re seeing news reports and hearing people around them talk about the war and terrorist threats here at home. But unlike adults, children have little experience to help them put all this information into perspective.

Whatever their age or relationship to adults who are involved in the war effort, children need to be able to express their feelings and concerns about the war. As adults, it’s our job to encourage them to talk, listen to them and answer questions they may have.

• Acknowledge children’s worries and uncertainties about war. Reassure them that their feelings are normal.
• Children's reactions to the war may be heavily influenced by your own. Your reactions are key in helping children decide whether the world is a safe or scary place.
• Children need comforting and frequent reassurance that they’re safe – make sure you give it to them.
• Provide activities for children that help them explore their feelings, such as classroom discussions, informal play, community service projects, and writing, music, art or drama projects.
• Maintain family routines and keep the lines of communication open.
• Create a family plan to follow in the event of an emergency.

• Reassure preschoolers that they’re safe. Provide extra comfort and contact by discussing their fears, staying in touch during the day and giving lots of hugs.
• Get a better understanding of their feelings about the war. Encourage them to draw pictures about the war and then discuss them. This offers insight into children’s particular concerns or fears.
• How you say something is perhaps as important as what you say. Three- to five-year- olds looks to their parents and other important adults in their lives to gauge their reactions and decide how they should feel. If they see worry and fear in the adults around them, they are likely to become worried and afraid. But if routine and calmness reigns, most preschoolers will equate thoughts of war with a faraway place.
• Don’t be caught off guard if certain behaviors reappear or intensify in children. Children aren’t misbehaving if they return to bedwetting, thumb sucking, baby talk or fear of sleeping alone, or if they complain of stomachaches or headaches and don’t want to go to school. They’re expressing their fear.

• Expect questions about the war from this age group. Try to answer them in simple and clear language. Use a map or globe to illustrate how far away the war is. Also, explain that the police and many others are working hard to keep us safe here at home.
• If a child is concerned about a family member, such as a parent, serving overseas, don’t tell them not to worry. Explain that a lot of people are also concerned about Mom or Dad being safe and that Mom or Dad have practiced their job a lot for this moment in time.
• Be honest. False reassurance doesn’t help this age group. Don’t say nobody will die. Children know this isn’t true. Instead say, "I will always be here to keep you safe" or "Adults are working very hard to make things safe."
• Monitor their television viewing. Limit the amount of war coverage they see. Schedule an alternate activity during the news hour without calling attention to your real concern. A walk around the block, homework, a good movie on the VCR or a fun dinner around the table won’t necessarily make kids feel like they’re being restricted.
• Don’t be afraid to say I don’t know. Part of keeping an open dialogue with your children is not being afraid to say that you don’t have all the answers. When you don’t, explain that wars are very complicated and things happen that even adults don’t understand.

• Plan for shared time in front of a reliable national newscast. Because the war will be discussed in school every day, your teen may be more ready to talk when he or she gets home than you’d guess. This is a good opportunity for conversation.
• Discussing history with this age group can help put the war and related politics in context.
• Get teens to open up about what they’ve heard each day about the war. Use the opportunity to correct any misinformation they may have acquired.
• This age group may ask very technical or even grisly questions that may seem off the wall to you. Take each question seriously and do the best you can to answer it.

• Encourage them to work out their own positions on the war – even it differs from your own. This is an age when kids are developing personal ethics and morals, a process you can support with open discussion and debate.
• Create a family plan to follow in the event of an emergency. Make sure that each family member has everyone’s phone/cell numbers and knows where to meet. This will make teens feel safer and may help reduce panic if an emergency does occur.

For more information, contact your local Mental Health Association, or the National Mental Health Association at 800-969-NMHA (6642) or www.nmha.org.

The war with Iraq and threat of terrorist attacks at home are creating varying levels of stress for all Americans. When prolonged, stress can chip away at one’s mental and physical health. Stress makes it increasingly hard to cope with everyday tasks and puts you at risk for a number of health problems, such as high blood pressure.

If you’ve been carrying around too much stress lately, it’s possible to deal with it and even redirect it in positive ways to help you get through the challenging days ahead.

Here are the warning signs of stress overload:

• persistent fatigue
• inability to concentrate
• flashes of anger – lashing out at family and friends
• changes in eating or sleeping habits
• increased use of alcohol, tobacco or drugs
• repeated tension headaches, lower back aches, stomach problems or other physical ailments
• prolonged feelings of depression, anxiety or helplessness

These are steps you can take to get out from under the stress:

• Stay connected. You’re not alone in this, so don’t withdraw. Talk to family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers about your stress and fears. They may be experiencing some of the same feelings as you. Possibly they can share something helpful.

Other sources of support may be your place of worship or your company’s employee assistance program, which may offer the first few mental health consultations free of charge. Dependents of military personnel should find out what kind of assistance is available through their branch’s family services.

• Get physical. Reduce stress by developing a regular exercise routine. Try walking around the block each evening, playing tennis, working in the garden or just doing stretching exercises in your living room.

• Avoid drugs and alcohol. Just like stress, they rob you of energy and cloud your perceptions of everyone and everything.

• Make time for relaxation. Try to reduce the amount of time you spend worrying about things you can’t control. A good way to do this is to cut down or eliminate activities that cause you stress. For example, spend less time watching the news and more time relaxing. Catch a movie, join a club, call a friend, go fishing, go to a concert or play with the dog. Schedule time for doing things you find relaxing.

• Take back some control. You can’t control the war or events at home associated with it, but you can exercise control over some things. Maintain your routine as much as possible. Try writing a letter to a friend or relative serving overseas. Attend a meeting on community preparedness. Send a donation to a relief fund. Volunteer. There are many organizations that could use your help.

• Take reasonable precautions. Make an emergency communications plan with family and friends. Re-introduce yourself to neighbors and exchange phone/cell phone numbers. Stay informed about current events, but don’t become obsessed by the news coverage of impending war.

• Be optimistic about the challenges ahead. Try to maintain a positive outlook. Remember that our nation has survived other difficult times. Stay in touch with your spirituality, if you find it comforting.

• Seek professional help if you feel your problem is more serious and you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, hopelessness or extreme anger. This could be especially important for those who live with depression, substance abuse problems, anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder. Your local mental health association can help you find a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist in your community.

The National Mental Health Association (NMHA) has several resources available to help you and your children cope with stress and other topics. For further information, contact your local Mental Health Association, or visit NMHA at www.nmha.org or call our toll-free phone line at 800-969-NMHA (6642).

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